by M. T. Sullivan

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price


(free) 02:56


released April 17, 2016



Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.


Lilli Jean Asheville, North Carolina

Lilli Jean is a wild and green songwriting machine.

contact / help

Contact Lilli Jean

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Rare Loyalty
I'm always on the dark end of the street
I'm never the girl you wanted to meet
I'm always somehow always getting it wrong
I'm always go on talking for way too long

I'll never be who you want me to be
I'll never ask for your rare loyalty
So take this half way heart of mine
Bring it someplace wild and set it free
cuz I've already let this go on for way too long
I shouldn't have even written this down into a song
but I'll hold myself with both of my arms
until I believe that I am strong

But I can't stop trying
and I can't stop crying
and I can't stop lying
to myself
and I can not deny
that I'm always wonderin why
no one ever picks me up for themselves
I'm just a book on a shelf
a book on a shelf

So I will learn to read myself
Track Name: Our Shine
I met him up on top of the mountain
maybe past quarter of 8
he said how you been doing darling
I said alright, but now I'm great
he pulled out a bottle of liquid fate
and said well then let's celebrate

It's your shine
it's my shine
it's our shine
it's moon shine :ll
We're just having a good time
what's mine is yours when you are mine
and I know that it's alright
when I got you to share my shine

we let the the love pour out like water
we sat there talkin for hours and hours
we didn't know how far to go
but we were doing it on our own
We've been doing it a long time
holding hands as we walk the white line
even when the times are tryin
you'll be there to share

It's your shine
it's my shine
it's our shine
it's moon shine :ll
We're just having a good time
what's mine is yours when you are mine
and I know that it's alright
when I got you to share my shine
Track Name: I Quit
Every day that boss man pushes me around
makes me get back up just so he can kick me down
tell me what to do, tell me what I don't
tell me one more time, I swear he won't, and I said

You can't fire me, I quit
I've been working way too hard and way too long
to keep putting up with your shit
You can't fire me I quit
I've been working way too hard for way too long
and I'm tired of it
Working for the man every night and day
I swear to God there's gotta be a better way

I spent all my working days dreaming
plotting and scheming and planning on Freedom
couldn't wait to be old and retired
I wished that boss man would tell me I'm fired
cuz then I'd say


I couldn't keep selling my life minute by minute
Life's not a game, you can't just win it
over worked and underpaid
so when the boss man started yelling
That's when I said

Track Name: Steer Me Away
I feel your touch, I want your love
but you're so far away
I won't ask you to come
I want more than just some
I wish you'd give it all away to me

I breathe you in, when you breathe out
I want to know what you're without
I want to fill the empty parts
I want you to feel me when we're apart

I know you've only ever learned how to be lonely
but how do you feel when you hold me
There's not a single thing that you could ever owe me
but when you're here I feel like that's when I'm the whole me

You're my wheeler, and my dealer
won't you steer me away
you're my drug and my luck
you're just a feeling today​
Track Name: Man In A Hollow Tree
There is a man in a hollow tree
Everything he does he does for free
you've never seen a man who's so happy
as the man in the hollow tree

He sleeps all day and he smiles all night
never once been in a fight
he knows it'll all be alright
he sees his future is oh so bright

all he has is all he needs
never once has he felt greed
every moment he is pleased
as he sows his happy seeds

There is a man in a hollow tree
Everything he does he does for free
you've never seen a man who's so happy
as the man in the hollow tree​
Track Name: Higher Than Heaven
Higher than heaven
every single day
I smoke marijuana
because that is how I pray
and if you go and take a look in my bag
I'll tell you exactly what it is I have
fourty ounces of freedom and bottle of Jack
that's what I call fuel for my YOLO swag
cuz I might not see tomorrow
today is all I have
and I'm gonna make the means necassary
to make myself glad
sex drugs and rock n roll
my whole damn life is outta control
but there's one thing I know for sure
that my music has got so much soul

Because I'm in love with melody
and rhythm's my religion
sixteen notes and harmonies
that's what I was born and raised in
and if you wanna fuck with me
you better be on the beat
using this old guitar
to try to get something to eat
butter for my piece of bun
peace for my people
music is the church of God
and singing is the steeple
when I make that beat drop
I'ma make a booty pop
when I hit the microphone
I'm make em, make em stop
picking on a string
picking on a wire
when I start singing
I seek to inspire
but you came to hear me sing
yall didn't come to hear me rap
my music is so dope it's a matter of fact
but before I go
but before I stop
we gotta make some room
to let this beat

Track Name: Broken Crutch
You should have always know it was never enough
pushin long white lines of the magic dust
pushin long white lines so you could keep it up
running down the road with a broken crutch

dividing everything you had into half
roaming on your own when you had nothing left
all so that you could have the last laugh
silencing the demons was your epitaph

and now you have gone and flown away from me
if you can let go, in time we will see
on the wings you will soar un til you're free
take a good rest baby let it be what it be​
Track Name: Resolution of Love
The roses are in bloom
your baby girl is coming soon
give to her a name
as you play the waiting game
all things come to pass
even some love may not last
but as you watch her grow
there is one thing you should know

Momma I love you
yes I do

She looks to you for strength
even when she's so far away
she wonders what you'd say
when she goes so far astray
you showed her what is love
you are an angel sent from above
and for this she prays
that she may be like you someday

Momma I love you
yes I do

As I grow and become
my own version of woman
I hear you in my voice
and witness you in my choice
I am you when I'm my best
as I am yours I am blessed
guide me with your light
love is the sunshine, and you are the twilight

Momma I love you
yes I do
Track Name: Liquor Owes Me Money
[Well the honkey tonk stole my time and liquor owes me money
just about lost my mind when I lost my honey
out of luck and out of line
drank so much they called it a crime]

Well they locked me up and threw away the key
when the booze on my breath proved me guilty
but anybody'd drank that much too
if they'd been through what I been through
I met a man and I fell in love
I thought he was something special sent from up above
I thought that his heart was true
but he left my heart all black and blue
The police man asked, "Ma'am how much you had tonight?"
I said, "Well, just enough to start a fight,
and I'll prove it to you if you don't treat me right!"
cuz my old man's the one you oughtta be standing down
He built me all the way up just to beat me down
He made my heart break and left me all battered
took our happily ever after and left it shattered
Track Name: BlueMoon
well I'd rather be dead than live like my father
and I'll never grow up better than my mother
but the more I grow the more I see
what they saw in each other
Time might heal old wounds
but sometimes I'm consumed
by shame they painted on my face
and how I'm never quite in place

So I'm runnin, runnin, runnin away from time
So I'm runnin, runnin, runnin away from time
So I'm runnin, runnin, runnin away from time
So I'm runnin, runnin away

Everything the post man brings
says delinquent or declined
I thought I woke up sad today
and I just can't change my mind
Yeah, The dark clouds keep on following me
I can not run and hide
and I wonder if creativity
might be in decline
cuz the older I get
the more scared that I am
that everything
will stay the same
and I wonder how many times I can
runaway and change my name
and I wonder how many more lies I get
before they send me to the flames​​

So I'm runnin, runnin, runnin away from time
So I'm runnin, runnin, runnin away from time
So I'm runnin, runnin, runnin away from time
So I'm runnin, runnin away
Track Name: The Fall
I don't wanna wait forever
I don't wanna hear you say
When sometime turns into never
as I watch you walk away

Maybe it's not even worth it in the first place
Maybe it ain't even worth it all
Maybe sometimes the climb ain't
sometimes the climb ain't worth the fall

and I can not tell a lie
I want you by my side
and when I come to you all the time
it's cuz I want to see me in your eyes


Oh baby could you be my safe place
baby please tell me no lies
somewhere I can go run to
to hide underneath your sighs
and promise to never grow angry
and never to raise your voice
and at least mostly pretend
that I was your first choice

Track Name: Thirsty Ground
"Thirsty Sound"

All these swarming ants
leave me in a trance
butterfly touches down
without making any sound

memories float away
there is no simple word to say in a
moment so profound
teardrops quenching
a thirsty sound

so much fear and self-doubt
I wish that I could be without
but nothing ever comes
of a bottle left undrunk

I miss you so much
that I'll tear
all the clothes I used to wear and
as I revel to the sun
I will know
no war is won

no song is ever sung
nothing ever ends
everything just begun
Track Name: The Jury
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury
I hope you will not rush to judgment
I hope you will not hurry

cuz there's quite a few things
you ought to have in mind
before you go on condemning
this poor soul of mine

The truth is I've already paid the price
I have already served my time
and there is no amount of money
fine dining, drugs nor wine

That could ever bring back
all the time that you once had
that could ever bring back
the time that you once had

maybe I didn't pay up
maybe I didn't do it right
maybe I stayed up
the whole damn night

maybe I'm not sorry
but then again maybe I am
maybe I just fucked up
as much as anyone can

but I swear to God
it keeps me up at night
but for as much as I've done wrong
so also, I have done right

in sharing my love and service
to those around me
and to humbling myself to the lord
on one bended knee

you can never bring back
the time that you once had
you can never bring back
the time that you once had

I know that's all the time I have to plea
and I pray that on behalf of our maker you will see
that although I am a sinner
I am truly sorry

and I hope that in your deliberations
you will find my salvation
and that I may too join you good people
in all of eternity
Track Name: Your Thing
I hope this evening turns into eternity
I hope this feeling becomes ecstasy
cuz I can't stand it when you stand next to me
yes you really have gotten the best of me
absolute power corrupts absolutely
and baby clearly you've gotten that over me
you've got a one-two punch choke hold on me

I just wanna be your thing
I don't want to have to think
You can wear me like a ring
when I see you I won't even blink

and I will try so hard just to please you
and I will fight myself not to tease you
and I will wait as a book on a shelf
with secret letters unknown to anyone else
I will be the object of your desire
you will come over to rule my empire
and neither of us will ever be lonely again
or at least, at worst we'll pretend
Track Name: Likely Widow
You've got my heart sitting in your lap
it's purring just like a kitty cat
I think of you, and I think I'm smitten
this could be the greatest love story ever written
I've got your eyes in my mind
and they're staring straight through
they're beautiful and perfect darlin
just like you

Baby, please don't break my heart

the wanting is a prison cell
fighting this feeling is a rodeo from hell
oh well gee, I just, I think you're swell
yes you really have gotten me under your spell
you're gonna leave me a likely widow
sitting staring forever out my window as you
sail away on a sea of love
as lonliness descends on me like death from above

but it's better to have love and have lost than to have never loved at all
better to have paid the cost than to have never have fallen the fall

Baby please don't break my heart
Track Name: My Night
We've traveled for Miles and Miles
still so far to go
We have had all this time
but still we can't let go
I thought you'd be mine
body heart and soul
I had no idea
how it would take it's toll

I had nothing left to say
the price was far to high to pay
the cost of giving myself away
I would never be enough for you
all these lucid dreams
would never, never come true
as I watched you fade away out of my mind
I was so, so afraid of crossing that line
between you and me, the darkness and the light
you used to be my sunshine
now you are my night
Track Name: Sunlake Daydream
Sunlake Daydream
is it as glorious as it seems?
Will you runaway
with me on a make believe holiday?

Let's go and fly a kite
at the darkest hour in the middle of the night
we'll let it go until it lands on the moon
and if it takes forever it'll be too soon

I'll be your raft if you'll be my boat
and can help each other to stay afloat
on a raging river just you and me
we'll go all the way out to sea

and then we'll sail a ship on a sea of love
on waves of happiness with kisses and hugs
the stars will smile down on us from up above
and we'll just keep on sailing just because
Track Name: Welcome Me Whole
The loneliness is consuming
the solitude will cut straight through me
My cup is inexhaustible
but only as much as I am unstable
It's like the view from a prison cell
your own predestined, personalized version of hell
the fear is insatiable
this soul is unsaveable

I get on down, just to get back up
It'll never ever ever be enough
what once was has now become
an unrecognizable disappearing landscape

But I believe in the light inside the blackhole
that every light in the galaxy will eventually
be consumed by its pull
and theat when I make it there too
I will see it in full

a consummate, brilliant, shining specter
warmly waiting to welcome me whole
Track Name: The Damage Done
I've been running from everyone else
but I'm not scared of anyone more than myself
But they are the mirror to what I've become
I don't want to know the damage done

Could I ever come back from what I've done?
If I were to change my ways, what would I become?

Could you help me to help myself?
out of this hollow grave I built it myself
I don't want to die anymore
I want to live
I still have so much more left to give

I'm not gonna live forever
It's not up for debate
I just want to live better
before it's too late
Track Name: Many Happy Returns
Many happy returns
on all the bridges that you burned
and as you fade away
all you did will come back to you

hear my clear and loud
you used to stand so proud
but then they cut you down
tell me what to do with you know

you threw it all away
now you have nothing to say
get on your knees and pray
that the good lord will take it away
Track Name: Wisdom weighs more than Innocence (Bad Influence)
I've been making a lot of changes
taking out my insides just to rearrange them
and I took you out too
cuz I know exactly what bad can do
It wasn't your fault, I made all my own decisions
fucking up so good with immaculate precision
wisdom weighs more than innocence
so I walk around with heavy hands

under a bad influence

I remember waking up in so much pain
couldn't even remember forgetting my own name
sleeping with the devil my only friend
praying to God that it would end
but I learned to live to see a brand new day
I learned to live a brand new way
I had no idea what joy would come
When I was saved, pulled out from
Track Name: I Disappear
Whenever I am with you
My wildest dreams come true
I slowly fade away
with every word that you say
it's in the way that you care
makes me feel like I'm not there
I dissipate into air
a gossamer until I disappear

I disappear

I wish you could take everywhere
I'll get real small and hide in your hair
you can skin me and wear me like a fur coat
as you recite all the words that no one knows I wrote
let me be your shadow
hide behind follow below
you be the clouds, I'll be the rainbow
how quickly I fade, how quickly I go

I disappear
Track Name: Trailer Park In Heaven
I've got fancy french doors on my pink double wide
and inside we're always listening to John Prine
the couch has got some tears and it's covered in dog hairs
and if you're looking for a flat screen it's not there

There's a trailer park in heaven when you die
you can't fit a camel through a needle's eye
you can't take it with you and neither can I
So there's a trailer park in heaven when you die

The neighbors are always are always awfully kind
you can always count on them if you need a ride
there's never any judgement in their eyes
cuz you can't look down on someone who is in the sky

There's a trailer park in heaven when you die
you can't fit a camel through a needle's eye
you can't take it with you and neither can I
So there's a trailer park in heaven when you die

Bet you didn't know that Jesus Christ was white trash
he gets his kicks on an old John Deer just mowing the grass
he likes to take it easy, watching the time pass
but if you call him ignorant well he'd probably kick your ass

There's a trailer park in heaven when you die
you can't fit a camel through a needle's eye
you can't take it with you and neither can I
So there's a trailer park in heaven when you die
Track Name: Violation
all the truth is just a dirty pair of glasses
all your words are just death and taxes
I tighten up while you relax and
my hands are loose and small in your hand

I guess I'm letting go
but I haven't let you know
I need you like I need a bottle of pills
and a pen filled with blood with which to write my will

You know I'm always scared to be alone
you are always happy to help me postpone
looking at the monsters under my bed
and exercising demons that live in my head
I guess it's cause you're inside me like them
more of a cancer than you are a friend
kill me with kindness pull wool over my eyes
a parasitic venomous trusted alibi

I loved you then and I love you now
this you know
you wouldn't pay the violation
so I let you go
Track Name: On Letting Go
"On Letting Go"
We're all just great pretenders
we just let it slip away
in the end what we don't surrender
well the world will just steal away

Gotta leave it behind

If we go out west
we won't ever come back
but admit it babe
you love a heart attack

Gotta leave it behind

Everything diesbaby that's a fact
but maybe everything that dies someday comes back
put your make up on and fix your hair real pretty
we're leaving tonight we're gonna burn this city

Gotta leave it behind

Everyone you've ever loved
anything you've ever known
everything you've ever touched
anything you've ever owned
Track Name: Lost Is Still A Place
"Lost is Still A Place"
I've been doing a lot of wandering, but I haven't left my mind
curiosity is drowning every line
and if you're wondering who I am
I'm a castle made of sand

Everyone has somewhere to go, so much work to do
everyone has something to discover that they know as true
I see them as they go by so fast, but they don't see me as they pass,
but I'm there

You can't see it; you can only feel it
Lost is still a place

We're all doing just the best we can,
but you can fail with or without a plan
there's no victory in a helping hand
faith ain't something that you understand

You can't see it; you can only feel it
Lost is still a place

when you're there, just barely hanging on
try to reach out, but it's gone
you only get it when you let it go
when you can't speak it that's how you know

you can't see it;
you can only feel it
Lost is still a place

It's been so long since I fell into your eyes
they rock and craddle me as my mother's sighs
you always did me that way
push me over with a single sway

I can see it; I can feel it
Love is still a place
Track Name: You Run
You Run
screaming and yelling and fighting and crying
you can't win when the battlefield is from within
you can't hide from what's behind your eyes

You know
it takes pain to grow, grow
and you can't stop the change
you can't stay the same
you can't move the blame

You Run
Anywhere you run to, anywhere you run that's where you are
You just keep running from yourself
Track Name: We All Fall Down
"We All Fall Down"
I wish that I was of a higher caliber
I wish that I had all the answers
I wish I was pure as the driven snow
and I wish I knew all that there is to know

We All Fall Down

I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way
I don't know what it is that makes me say the things I say
I don't know what it is that makes me go astray
I don't know what weighs more, my blessings or my mistakes

We All Fall Down

with the good lord's mercy it's all gonna be OK
It's alright if I do everything exactly the wrong way
we're all star children dancing in a cosmic ray
born again and again in the dawning of each new day
Track Name: Rough and Rational
Some of em try for you baby
some of em cry for you baby
some of em lie for you baby
some of em die for you baby

not me, cuz I'm rough and rational as can be

some of em like the way you walk
some of em like the way you talk
some of em like that you're smooth
some of em like the way you grove


some of em like the way you try
some of em like the way you cry
some of em love the way you lie
some of em think you'll never die

Track Name: It All Comes Out In The Wash
"It All Comes Out In The Wash"
It all comes out in the wash
No matter the price you pay
don't matter how high the cost
Doesn't matter what you make
in the end it's a loss
It all comes out in the wash

You can stack your money so high it'll blind you in both your eyes
or you can live a life in poverty turning nickels into dimes
you can save the whole world or you can just watch it pass by
you can spend your whole life screaming but we all end with a sigh


you can get everything you want, and still want a whole lot more
remember every broken heart, is just another open door
you can fight a million battles and win a million wars
but in the end you must answer what the hell were you fighting for?


you can spend your whole life searching for freedom from anything
or you can work to make a difference and end some suffering
but in the end you must realize there's only one place to begin
so take a look way deep inside cuz it's gotta come from within

It all comes out in the wash
No matter the price you pay, no matter how the cost
doesn't matter what you find, cuz in the end it's lost
It all comes out in the wash

Track Name: Making Love To A Ghost
"Making Love To A Ghost"
Your gentle touches got a hold on me
I wish you would just let me be
I don't know why, I don't know
I wish you would just let me go

I think it's time to let it go

I close my eyes and your eyes are all that I see
It's stirring feelings fire burning up inside of me
I don't know why I can't just let it go
I don't know why, no I don't know

Let me go

If you won't let me go at least please come close
I can't take it anymore making love to a ghost
you haunt me in the hallways of my mind
I think about you all the time

Come here
Track Name: Walk The Tracks
"Walk The Tracks"
You know I was never looking for something like that
when I first saw you it was a heart attack
and I've been recovering ever since
you stole my heart my will my innocence
but you know I wouldn't trade it for anything
and worrying and regret are just two heavy sins
the pearl of wisdom comes at a great price
so come on now and here my advice

you only get out what you put into life
and what comes back to you is twice as nice
if you wanna walk the tracks ou gotta look out for trains
if you wanna fall in love you gotta feel some pain

and I know that I stole from you too
what'd you expect a selfish, greedy girl like me to do?
and what I took I can never give back to you
and there is one more thing I must ask of you

Please forgive me.
Track Name: Good For Your Heart
Go for a real long walk
have a good long talk
let yourself be in shock
when your world is rocked
by the beauty of it all
pick up the phone, make that call
to the one you haven't talked to in way too long
pick up the pen and write that song

because it's good for your heart

be grateful for your mother
don't be hateful toward your father
no matter what they done
you're still their daughter, you're still their son

and it's good for your heart

take the time to make the time
ain't gotta have a reason, ain't gotta rhyme
if it takes all night
gotta make it right

it's good for your heart
Track Name: Things You Gave To Me
An open heart and an open mind
open eyes and arms open wide
a hard, hard head and a strong strong back
standing up straight, never looking back

These are the things you gave to me
and you gave them all away so willingly
these are the things you gave to me
and you gave them all away
so freely

everything you had and a little more
a key of love to unlock every door
a roof over our heads to cover the holes in the floor
we didn't have much, but we had enough
we had all we needed because
all you need is love

these are the things you gave to me
and you gave them all away so willingly
these are the things you gave to me
and you gave them all away
so lovingly

an endless spring of generosity
kindness patience and humility
a kind of peace that does transcend
a kind of love that never ends

these are the things you gave to me
and you gave them all away so willingly
these are the things you gave to me
and you gave them all away so willingly

I hope someday to pass it on
someday my children may sing this song
and your love light will shine on
out of the darkness and into the great beyond
Track Name: Crossing My Finger
the secrets that we keep and the lies that we tell
well at the very least at least we meant well
the rivers will flood and the levees will break
lies will be told and hearts will break

It all works out

babies gonna cry and everyone dies
and that means everyone including you and I
horrible things happen every single day
but there are miracles and blessings every step along the way

it all works out

I've been wondering how much can I really ask for
I've been wondering what's on the other side of that door
I've been wondering could there really be more
I've been wondering what it is I'm here for?

I've been crossing my fingers
that my heart only gets bigger
so there will be more to devastate
when me and this world sadly must separate
Track Name: I Don't Want To Fall In Love Again
It'll take a whole delivery crew
to box me up and bring me back to you
and I don't know what you're gonna do
when you find out what I've been through
I don't want to fall in love again
I don't even have the strength to pretend
I could ever fall in love again
I don't want to fall in love again

take my heart and break it in two
sew it back together with pieces of you
tell me something and tell me it's true
watch my heart turn from black to blue


walked so far into the dark, dark night
thought I'd never find the light
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
maybe I could last a little bit longer

Maybe I could fall in love again
maybe I wouldn't have to pretend
maybe I could fall in love again
maybe I could fall in love again

it's just a feeling
Track Name: Clean
I ain't nobody's princess,
nor have I ever been
the only kingdoms that I have ever known
have been heartbreak and sin
if it seems like I'm on high alert
it's cuz I only ever learned how to hurt
all the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put my heart back together again

If' you're looking for somebody clean
someone who's perfect and pure and pristine
someone who doesn't know, hasn't seen
all of the danger that love can bring
It ain't me babe

I ain't nobody's angel
but I used to fly high
before they clipped my wings
I used to kiss the sky
they stole my halo and stripped my robes
left me to walk in this world all alone
earned every scar but borrowed every bruise
now I'm laying here bleeding and begging for you

if you're looking for somebody clean
someone innocent pure and pristine
someone who doesn't know, hasn't seen
all of the wreckage that life can bring
It ain't me babe

out of the darkness and into the light
I grow stronger with every fight
Watch as my weakness turns into strength
watch me as I go to any length
I will fight for my faith and defend your heart
nothing could ever tear my trust apart
until I'm dead I ain't down for the count
I hope you hear me as I clear your doubt

It ain't me babe
If you're looking for somebody clean
someone perfect and pure and pristine
someone who doesn't know hasn't seen
all of the beauty that Love can bring
It ain't me babe